(i know... our manners left when the last letter was written... circa 1985...)
Where did our manners go? I wondered this when I received a text from a close friend wishing me a happy birthday. That's not to say texting HBD is always unacceptable, however the only times I feel it to be acceptable are when this is an associate you speak with occasionally. The kind of person that it would be awkward to call a happy birthday to, because you haven't spoken with them in a while and a any conversation besides one involving cheese, wine, and the obligatory social event and chatter would be even more awkward. But NOT for family members of any kind- sorry, but you need to suck it up and hear about Aunt Ida's second-cousin-once-removed's-no-blood-kin-to-you's sorry new brother in law's appendix removal. (Gross.) And NOT for someone you speak with on a daily occasion- you know, anyone remotely in the realm of dating, love, relationships, close friends, or (even more importantly) close business associates- you know those kind. The business relationships that require a scotch or two to get over reminding yourself that you hate kissing this person's ass and hate even more how they are raising their bratty kids to one day inherit their business when you could do the job now and better. Actually- let me amend slightly- I do have friends who I consider to be very close friends and we speak almost exclusively over text. THAT is perfectly acceptable, because texting has been established already as primary form of communication.
Manners, I believe, also left when people stopped writing letters and starting writings emails. It's so easy, especially in the business world, to spout off an email when one is angry or to press send without running spell check. I cannot tell you how many times we would laugh at a former job about how, the higher up you're promoted, the worse your spelling got. Must have been the sunstroke from playing golf too long. Writing letters took time, and thought. Hell go back far enough to the time of quill pens and ink and it took you two hours to write one line- of course you made your words count you usually had to remind yourself what you were writing or come up with something else entirely 5 times before you were finished. Maybe even 20 times- did they have ADD back then?
It's so hard these days to determine when texting and emailing is the best method of communication. I am just as guilty of it as anyone else. In the days when it's easier to send a Facebook invite to reach everyone than to send out printed invites (and let's face it- tremendously cheaper) it's hard to discern. A friend of mine recently invited me to her child's birthday party via Facebook, and she was beside herself upset about not sending out invites to the party. But in this day of busyness and venues getting booked up and finding a place last minute- she had no choice but to create the invite via Facebook. Another event I went to last night- the notifications were sent out through Facebook. Personally, I think it's perfectly appropriate to do so in those situations.
Situations when it's not appropriate? Weddings, for instance. Even when getting married last minute or in a pseudo- elopement type of event, a phone call at the very least is best if one does not want to fool with hand written invites.
So, how do we reclaim our manners? Once we all realize our methods of communication have become entirely too impersonal that we spend most of our dinners looking at our phones and not at each other, and that nothing can ever replace a handshake and speaking to someone by name- then we will regain our manners.
